“Are We Being Egotistical By Feeling Guilty That We Could Not Save A Friend?”
by Kelvin Chin
Life After Life Expert
Think about it.
How many times have you heard (or perhaps felt yourself) someone say they “felt guilty” about not being able to convince a friend to save themselves?
Let’s unbundle that.
First of all, is it good to care about the well-being of others, especially our friends?
Absolutely yes.
Of course.
But that’s not the issue. Caring is not the issue.
The issue is what can we do? What can we control? Especially what can we control when the friend does not want our help. That is the issue.
Why? Because that is where: 1) we either stay free from guilt or 2) we strap pounds of guilt onto our shoulders — I would argue unnecessarily and inappropriately.
What do I mean?
We can only help those who want to be helped. Those who at least implicitly — or explicitly — ask for our help.
Otherwise we are “stepping on their Free Will toes” to choose something — a path — that we do not agree with. And do they have that power and ability to make a choice we do not agree with? Absolutely yes.
Ask yourself:
Would you want them to be stepping on your ability to make your personal choices? Probably not.
So why do you feel as if it’s your “right” or “responsibility” to step on their ability to choose?
You can’t have it both ways. You can’t say you believe in Free Will and personal choice ONLY when their choices AGREE with your choices!
So, whenever you feel “guilty” about not having been able to change your friend’s choices that you think caused them suffering, you may actually be overstepping the bounds of that friendship. You may be trying to control someone else who has not even asked you for help.
If so, you are actually acting quite egotistically — being self-centered. And not really acting in the best interests of your friend. But instead, in your own interest.
Which I would argue is not true friendship.
Kelvin H. Chin is a Meditation Teacher, Life After Life Expert, and Author of “Overcoming the Fear of Death,” “Marcus Aurelius Updated: 21st Century Meditations On Living Life” and “After the Afterlife: Memories of My Past Lives.” He learned to meditate at age 19, and has been teaching Turning Within Meditation and coaching others in their self-growth for 40 years. He helps people understand their life challenges through their individual belief systems, and helps them find their own solutions. His past life memories reach back many centuries, and he accesses those memories in his teaching and his coaching in the same way all coaches draw on their own available experiences for perspective and effective analogies. He can be reached at www.TurningWithin.org.