“Living in the Myth of Growth”

“Living in the Myth of Growth”

by Kelvin Chin
Author
Meditation Teacher

Have you ever seen someone who takes every “self-development” class on the internet or at their local yoga center, yet seems stagnant in their personal growth?

They may have fallen into a rut. They may actually be living in the “myth of growth.”

Fooling themselves they are progressing but in reality are repeating the same old patterns over and over again for years, maybe lifetimes.

One fundamental problem for many people is the self-limiting way they view “love.” For most people love means really liking something or somebody “an incredible amount.” They put love on the far end of the “liking scale.” At the other end is extreme dislike. My daughter has pointed out to me that most online surveys about consumer products are languaged that way.

So that’s how we get acculturated to thinking about love.

Really?

I see that as a very limited view of love — one that sets us up for failure in many ways. Here’s one my daughter Sam pointed out to me….

If you think of love as extreme liking, then how can you ever “love yourself”?

There’s so much talk today about “self-love.” However, if you don’t “like” everything about yourself, then how can you ever expect to get to the end of the spectrum where you like yourself so much that you can call it “loving yourself”?

I think everybody can and will find something about themselves they don’t like. So given that reality, we can just forget about “self-love.”

Unless we define love in a different way.

How about “accepting ourselves and others for who we and they are, not who we wish they were.” So this moves us away from thinking of ourselves and others in the future — in terms of our “ideal image” — and more towards the present.

Accepting our warts as well as our beautiful aspects — to me that’s self-love. And that does not mean we cannot change or improve ourselves. In fact, I think it frees us from feeling guilty about not being perfect or “good enough” to be liked so that we can move forward sooner and unencumbered. And therefore, more likely to be successful in improving ourselves.

The other important aspect to this concept of love is the tendency for most people to assess themselves as loving based on what they are “feeling” about themselves or others. If they feel warm and fuzzy, or even swept off their feet in an emotional high, then they say they’re “in love.”

But how long does that last? Not very long. Right?

The notion that we are somehow “growing” when we are “feeling good” is a myth. And that if we are not feeling good, we are not growing.

For many of us I think that simplistic way of looking at personal growth can be a distraction from looking at ourselves, especially at where we need to do work. Because sometimes that is uncomfortable. Not a “feel good” feeling.

We all tend to get comfortable with familiar patterns of thinking and behavior. And we often forget to “test” out those patterns in the external world we live in — how do our friends and colleagues react to our behavior? Do our relationships with them grow and flourish, or do they wither and die? Or are they somewhere in between — ok most of the time, but just ok?

So this second issue of getting hoodwinked into thinking we are growing because we feel emotional highs from time to time is another thing to keep an eye on. Do you feel incredibly loved and accepted sometimes, and other times not so much?

And here is the tough one: Have you developed enough self-confidence to “see” whether you have left train wrecks in your wake during or after you have left some of your relationships? That, my friend, is a huge red flag. It is a sign that something somewhere deep inside needs some attention, and some adjusting…that is, if we are truly committed to self-development — and not just committed to getting another certificate to hang on our office wall from the latest workshop we took.

Otherwise, we will repeat the same old patterns over and over — for years, if not for millennia. Stagnating. Stuck in an eddy along the shoreline of the river of life. We will continue to live in the myth of growth.

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Kelvin H. Chin is a Meditation Teacher, Life After Life Expert, and Author of “Overcoming the Fear of Death,” “Marcus Aurelius Updated: 21st Century Meditations On Living Life” and “After the Afterlife: Memories of My Past Lives.” He learned to meditate at age 19, and has been teaching Turning Within Meditation and coaching others in their self-growth for 50 years. He helps people understand their life challenges through their individual belief systems, and helps them find their own solutions. His past life memories reach back many centuries, and he accesses those memories in his teaching and his coaching in the same way all coaches draw on their own available experiences for perspective and effective analogies. He can be reached at www.TurningWithin.org.

“Cruelty & Gross Negligence”

“Cruelty & Gross Negligence”

by Kelvin Chin
Author
Meditation Teacher

In our previous discussions on Transcending Cruelty, we have spoken about the need for “intent” to be present. We have defined cruelty as when someone intends to do harm to another person for their own happiness in making that other person unhappy. And that if the intention to do harm is not there, we may just call it “callousness” on the part of the bad actor.

However, I want to suggest that there may be a level of lack of care for others, a degree that may rise so high that the intent to do harm may not be sufficient to hold someone accountable for exceptionally bad, hurtful behavior. Yes, we may agree that philosophically the technical definition of cruelty may require intent to do harm to another. However, in everyday life, experientially, we may need another term — perhaps calling it “grossly negligent callousness” — that most people might still call cruel behavior in their daily conversations.

Drawing from my legal training, I would like to propose an analogy. This analogy is not meant to imply that there are any “laws” in spirituality, because as you may know from my other writings and talks, I see Free Will as an inherent function of every mind or consciousness in the universe. And neither is this analogy meant to imply any duty as in the ancient use of the concept “dharma” that we each as individuals have towards others.

We have choice. And we have consequences to those choices we make. The following analogy is meant to shine a light on an area of “hurtful” behavior towards others that I think needs more attention, so that we as a world society might choose to move more towards a kinder, more thoughtful way of living life with one another.

In law, there is a concept called negligence. To be deemed negligent, the person must have breached a basic principle that we all agree as a society we hold for each other. It is referred to specifically using the word “care.” And the level of care that we are expected to display towards others must be a “reasonable” one. It is called being a “reasonable person.”

I want to suggest that we interject an analogous notion into this discussion about cruelty that we have engaged in, especially although not exclusively since the 30th November talk. Again, maybe what I am going to suggest may not be “actual cruelty” in the way we have traditionally, philosophically defined it. But I propose that we think of “exceptionally bad hurtful behavior” in this new light.

Can we, as a society, agree that we generally each owe one another what we might call a basic level of “kindness?” I think so. Perhaps we can borrow from the above negligence example and consider the idea of each of us holding ourselves individually responsible for demonstrating a “reasonable” level of kindness.

If so, then I think a person’s level of “lack of kindness” can in fact sometimes rise to a level that would be the equivalent of what is analogously in the field of negligence called “gross negligence.”

That is where that lack of kindness, even though there is no intent to do harm, causes so much harm that it is worthy of special attention. This harm would be a direct result of a person’s actions that are so outrageous and so negligent — so uncaring or lacking in forethought as to what the consequences of their actions might be — that we might consider that person’s behavior, while not “actual” cruelty, to be skirting the edges of what we have previously called cruel behavior.

Again, an example from law, purely for analogous teaching reasons — not meant to be applied literally in this spiritual discussion.

In law school, there is an example often used to illustrate the severe, life-altering consequences of grossly negligent, unthoughtful behavior. The example involves a TV.

It is not against the law to throw a TV off a balcony. In fact, there may be a good reason to throw a TV off a balcony, especially if it’s broken and someone is just trying to get rid of it quickly without straining one’s physical body from carrying it down many flights of stairs, for example.

However, because there is this inherent societal agreement that we should treat each other with “reasonable care,” in this law school example, we cannot just throw a TV off a balcony at any time of the day or night without any legal consequences if we happen to injure another human being, perhaps a pedestrian passing by on the sidewalk below the balcony. If that happens, there are consequences. And they could be very serious, life-altering consequences.

If we throw a TV off a balcony without showing any care at all for others, and if it falls on someone’s head and kills them, we could be guilty of homicide even if we did not intend to cause harm.

I suggest that we may need to look at our own behavior towards others with relation to how we treat them emotionally and ask ourselves if we have sometimes, even without an intent to harm the other person, been so grossly negligent, so lacking in our care for another human being, that we may have committed — and I am making up this term here — “emotional homicide.” Would we benefit from holding ourselves individually responsible for not inflicting that level of harm? Not as a group holding others responsible, but as individual souls — as each of us — holding ourselves to that level of care.

I know this may sound extreme. However, I think the level of cruelty in the world — and if we truly have a desire to reduce that hurtful behavior in the world — requires this more nuanced view.

Avoiding “intending to harm and deriving enjoyment from it” — what we have defined as “cruelty” — is important to understand to be a happier individual. In addition, I think equally important is recognizing (and calling it out when we see it) grossly negligent behavior — especially within ourselves. Holding ourselves accountable when that happens and learning to not repeat that behavior. I suggest that we may need to add that type of conduct to what we consider unacceptable hurtful behavior.

What I am suggesting is that we may need to take a hard look at ourselves in the mirror — individually — if we really want to see someone looking back at us who is in fact, not just in theory, a kinder, less cruel person. But who actually is.

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Kelvin H. Chin is a Meditation Teacher, Life After Life Expert, and Author of “Overcoming the Fear of Death,” “Marcus Aurelius Updated: 21st Century Meditations On Living Life” and “After the Afterlife: Memories of My Past Lives.” He learned to meditate at age 19, and has been teaching Turning Within Meditation and coaching others in their self-growth for 50 years. He helps people understand their life challenges through their individual belief systems, and helps them find their own solutions. His past life memories reach back many centuries, and he accesses those memories in his teaching and his coaching in the same way all coaches draw on their own available experiences for perspective and effective analogies. He can be reached at www.TurningWithin.org.

“Confidence Comes From Within”

“Confidence Comes From Within”

by Kelvin Chin
Author
Meditation Teacher

You cannot always judge a book by its cover. There is no situation where that old adage is truer than with people.

Some people are more outgoing. Others are more introverted. But whether the person is confident or not is not dependent on how outward or inward their behavior appears.

Too often we judge the book by its cover. And all too often we are wrong in our assessment. Especially when it comes to judging whether a person is confident or insecure.

And I think this tendency to assess people’s confidence on the outer — often falsely — is very much an American-centric cultural phenomenon. Too often the “loud” person is given the floor, or maybe better said, they “take over” the floor. Incorrectly, they are often immediately assessed as confident. Sure, certainly confident enough to take over the floor, but are they really inwardly self-confident? And too often the shyer, quieter and more reserved person is assessed as “weaker” and less confident.

Could it be that the quieter person is simply that? Quieter. And more internal with less of a need to be the louder, more vocal person in the room? Could we in fact be wrong about judging them as insecure, as less confident?

I think so.

In my experience, confidence is driven from the inside out. The more secure we are within ourselves, the more we “know who we are” as an individual being, then the more self-confidence we own. “Own” as in the more unshakable that self-confidence can become.

How or whether we exhibit that self-confidence externally to the world is a different story. That is unique to the personality of that particular individual. If the person is more outgoing, they may demonstrate that self-confidence in how they speak or act in a group setting. On the other hand, if the person is more introverted, they may be more silent in a group setting, yet still exude an outward energy of assuredness of self that the sensitive and aware outside observers might pick up on.

But the loudmouth who has to take over the room, who consistently speaks over or interrupts others is often demonstrating their own lack of confidence in themselves and their ideas in that overbearing behavior. Loudness does not equal confidence.

So be careful not to judge a book by its cover. Be aware that someone’s internal world will not always be reflected in that individual’s external behavior. More often than not the external behavior will be driven by that person’s personality and not how secure they are within. Sometimes the louder person will use that loudness to cover up their insecurities. And sometimes the quieter person will be quite secure in harboring their own thoughts keeping them within with no need to externally share them.

Self-confidence is a nuanced and very personal thing that only that individual can really assess — if they are at least self-aware and candid anyway. We on the outside can only, at best, guess what is going on in their inside world.

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Kelvin H. Chin is a Meditation Teacher, Life After Life Expert, and Author of “Overcoming the Fear of Death,” “Marcus Aurelius Updated: 21st Century Meditations On Living Life” and “After the Afterlife: Memories of My Past Lives.” He learned to meditate at age 19, and has been teaching Turning Within Meditation and coaching others in their self-growth for 50 years. He helps people understand their life challenges through their individual belief systems, and helps them find their own solutions. His past life memories reach back many centuries, and he accesses those memories in his teaching and his coaching in the same way all coaches draw on their own available experiences for perspective and effective analogies. He can be reached at www.TurningWithin.org.

“Belief in Destiny as a Defense Mechanism”

“Belief in Destiny as a Defense Mechanism”

by Kelvin Chin
Author
Meditation Teacher

The human nervous system is built to survive. It can biologically withstand great physical challenges and still continue to function. Sure, it may be injured and not working at its optimum capacity. But at least it’s still functioning. It hasn’t ceased working. 

For example, we can sprain our ankle. Then what happens? It swells up. Why? To create a natural “splint” restricting our movement. For what reason? To slow us down and immobilize our ankle. Why? So we don’t do further damage to it. Because if we became totally incapable of walking we wouldn’t be able to feed ourselves and we would die. 

But we need more than just our body to survive. The same survival instincts happen with our minds. 

I think we sometimes can create myths about ourselves and others that may help us survive mentally and emotionally when we are unable to figure things out ourselves. 

One example, that I often encounter in my work helping people with death and dying fears and anxieties, arises when someone we love dies. We are suddenly left adrift mentally and emotionally. As if without a life preserver or a lifeboat. 

So we grasp onto whatever thought or beliefs are readily available. And we hold onto them for dear life. 

One such belief is that “everything happens for a reason.” It was their “destiny” to die. They chose their “exit point.” Or perhaps the most commonly spoken phrase: it was “God’s will.”

But does that make sense? And does it really make us feel better?

Does “everything” happen for a reason? That would mean none of us in the world would have any control over anything we think or do. No ability to make decisions. No ability to say “No.” 

Because the word “everything” means what it says. It is all inclusive. It means “no exceptions.” None. 

If you can think of just one example, then you have contradicted your statement about “everything.” Zap! The belief is false. It cannot be correct if “something” can happen without a reason. 

I think many people who cling onto that false belief have never been on a battlefield before. Never seen the plane next to them get blown up by a random flak explosion or their best friend beheaded by a sword wielded by the enemy soldier, or even worse killed by friendly fire. Was that “meant to be”? Planned ahead of time and controlled by some god or gods? Some superior being? That’s some uncaring, sadistic being if so. Couldn’t that fatal act have been the result of an intentional act by another human? Or even an accidental act by others?

And what’s the longer term effect of holding onto that false belief in other life situations?

I have seen it cause paralysis in people’s lives. They can become too afraid to act. They can get so worried about “doing what’s right” or “what they should do” that they end up doing nothing. Or they become so hesitant that they miss opportunities or fail to live life more spontaneously and joyously. 

They can get stuck and not move on with living life after the loss of their loved one. 

I think adjusting our thinking and thus our beliefs about life and death is an important element of living a happier healthier life. And especially with the death of a loved one, while that reality is understandably such a hard thing for us to accept, using the “it was meant to happen” myth I think does more harm than good. 

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Kelvin H. Chin is a Meditation Teacher, Life After Life Expert, and Author of “Overcoming the Fear of Death,” “Marcus Aurelius Updated: 21st Century Meditations On Living Life” and “After the Afterlife: Memories of My Past Lives.” He learned to meditate at age 19, and has been teaching Turning Within Meditation and coaching others in their self-growth for 50 years. He helps people understand their life challenges through their individual belief systems, and helps them find their own solutions. His past life memories reach back many centuries, and he accesses those memories in his teaching and his coaching in the same way all coaches draw on their own available experiences for perspective and effective analogies. He can be reached at www.TurningWithin.org.

“A Christmas Wish”

“A Christmas Wish”

by Kelvin Chin
Author
Meditation Teacher

When I was almost 3 years old in December 1953, my mom and dad dressed me in my warm winter clothes with my beanie and mittens, and took me to meet Santa Claus. 

I had never met him before. I had only received presents from him that he had secretly left for me each of the previous two years. Somehow they were just there in my living room around the same time of year when it was cold outside. That’s all I knew. 

I was really excited to finally meet him in person!

So my mom and dad bundled me into our 1952 Pontiac sedan and took me to a place where they said Santa was having meetings that day with all the children in our neighborhood. As luck would have it, he was only a few miles away from our home in Natick, Massachusetts at a new place called Shoppers’ World on Route 9. According to Wikipedia: “Shopper's World is an open-air shopping center in Framingham, Massachusetts. The original facility (spelled Shoppers’ World) is of historical significance as one of the first suburban shopping malls in the United States upon opening in 1951.”

Anyway, that’s where Santa was that day in December 1953. So that’s where we went. 

And evidently lots of other people — especially young kids like me — knew he was going to be there too. Because by the time we arrived, there was a long line to talk with him. So on that cold and cloudy wintry day, we got in line. 

I felt chilly on the outside but excited on the inside as I watched each child go up to Santa and sit on his lap for a few minutes and chat with him. We were far enough away so I couldn’t hear what each kid was saying. And I couldn’t really see his lips moving because he had this big white beard covering them, but I assumed he was talking with them because I could see his eyes smiling — almost twinkling — at each child. 

When it was my turn, I sat on his lap. He was a huge man. At least he was huge compared to me when I was 2 years old. 

And he asked me what I wanted for Christmas. 

He said, “Kelvin, I will grant any wish you have.” My mom had introduced us when she brought me to him, so he knew my name. “Anything you can think of,” he said. 

My immediate thought was that I wanted a baby sister. So I told Santa and he said, “So be it! You’ll have a baby sister soon, Kelvin. Have a Merry, Merry Christmas! Ho, ho, ho!”

And that was it. Not a very long meeting because there were so many other children waiting for their chance to tell him what they wanted for Christmas. So I didn’t get to ask him anything about my sister — like what would she be like, when would she be coming, how would she get here, or anything. 

But exactly 9 months later my baby sister was born.

And that’s how she and I met this lifetime. Evidently with a little help from Santa Claus. 

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Kelvin H. Chin is a Meditation Teacher, Life After Life Expert, and Author of “Overcoming the Fear of Death,” “Marcus Aurelius Updated: 21st Century Meditations On Living Life” and “After the Afterlife: Memories of My Past Lives.” He learned to meditate at age 19, and has been teaching Turning Within Meditation and coaching others in their self-growth for 50 years. He helps people understand their life challenges through their individual belief systems, and helps them find their own solutions. His past life memories reach back many centuries, and he accesses those memories in his teaching and his coaching in the same way all coaches draw on their own available experiences for perspective and effective analogies. He can be reached at www.TurningWithin.org.

“Black or White?”

“Black or White?”

by Kelvin Chin
Author
Meditation Teacher

When I was 8 years old, we went on a family trip from Massachusetts to Virginia. I had never been that far away from home before. And never to that part of America. 

So early one morning, my mom and dad packed up lots of sandwiches and snacks, along with a large gray stainless steel dispenser full of Hawaiian Punch, and a package of paper cups and bundled my sleepy 4-year old baby sister and me into our 1952 Pontiac sedan and hit Route 1 South in Norwood. Off we went on our road trip to see the Luray Caverns. 

There were no interstate highways from Maine to Florida yet. So Route 1 with its many traffic lights, cars, trucks and train crossings that went through both urban and rural areas was the only way to get from Point A to Point B, north or south along the East Coast. 

So our odyssey included much waving at truck drivers to get them to honk their loud horns, waiting for 50-75 car freight trains to pass, stopping to pee at gas stations while my dad filled up the tank once again, and lots of staring out of the car windows at the tapestry of people, buildings, and foliage as they changed their shapes and sizes from what I was used to seeing in my small New England hometown. 

Finally we got to a motel nearby Luray Caverns and got settled in for a good night’s sleep. Early the next morning after breakfast we went to the caverns, saw some amazing huge underground “rooms” full of stalagmites and stalactites. (My mom taught me to tell the difference by which word has the “c” for “ceiling” — that’s the word for the ones that hang down and the other word with the “g” is for the ones that appear to come up from the “ground.”)

But the most memorable part of the trip for me was going to the bathroom at the entrance to the Luray Caverns when we finished the tour. I had to go pee. But my father didn’t have to. So he said, “You go by yourself, Kel. I’ll wait for you out here.”

Keep in mind it was April 1959. And we were in the South — in the Shenandoah Valley of Virginia. 

So when I walked over to the public restrooms, I saw a sign that said “Whites” and another sign saying “Coloreds.” And for the first time in my life, I was confused about my skin color. 

I had to pee pretty badly but in that split second moment as I stared at those two signs, I thought to myself, “Which one am I?”

I saw dark-skinned men going into the “Colored” bathroom, and Caucasian men going into the one labeled “Whites.” I made an executive decision on the spot that even though I knew I was neither one, I went into the “Whites” bathroom. 

No one said a thing and I didn’t look at anybody while I was in there so I don’t know if there was any reaction. But I got in, did my business and got out. 

But how emotionally strange that was for me at 8 years old….

I’d never encountered segregated restrooms before that day. And I’d never had to make a decision about my skin color until that moment. 

It obviously has left a mark in my consciousness ever since. 

Sure, I’d had a few kids make fun of me in Norwood for being the only minority kid in the school system. And while that was personally hurtful, this was different. 

I was confused by the identification of a person merely by the color of their skin. And further baffled by why people of different colors would have to pee in different places from each other. Pee is pee, I thought. 

How ridiculous. How utterly superficial. How absurd.

Who cares who is standing next to you while you pee?

It made no sense to me then at 8 years old. And segregation or even thinking differently about someone merely based on their skin color still doesn’t make sense to me. 

Many years later, now that I’ve had time to reflect on that experience from my childhood, I’ve come to the realization that the type of mind that finds such a superficial assessment of another person as somehow valid is one that probably has had a fairly limited life experience. And unfortunately such a mind will most likely continue to choose to keep their lives limited because that’s their comfort zone — to stay in their “silo” where they feel “safe” with other people “who look just like them.” 

It still seems as childish as it did when I was 8 years old. Yet after six decades (this lifetime) observing that behavior, I’ve decided to let those people be. Because that’s all we can do.

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Kelvin H. Chin is a Meditation Teacher, Life After Life Expert, and Author of “Overcoming the Fear of Death,” “Marcus Aurelius Updated: 21st Century Meditations On Living Life” and “After the Afterlife: Memories of My Past Lives.” He learned to meditate at age 19, and has been teaching Turning Within Meditation and coaching others in their self-growth for 50 years. He helps people understand their life challenges through their individual belief systems, and helps them find their own solutions. His past life memories reach back many centuries, and he accesses those memories in his teaching and his coaching in the same way all coaches draw on their own available experiences for perspective and effective analogies. He can be reached at www.TurningWithin.org.

“Spiritual Maturity”

“Spiritual Maturity”

by Kelvin Chin
Author
Meditation Teacher

Being a Nice Person 

Many spiritual seekers, i.e., people who are intent on being more spiritual and conscious of their own personal growth, think that “being a good person” means being nice to everyone they encounter in their life. And “being nice” is often interpreted as meaning engaging with and even sometimes embracing cruel people. 

Really?

No. We need to walk away from people who are abusive and cruel. We need to judge their behavior as inappropriate — that’s what I call “bad” behavior, actions that are hurtful and harmful. 

And yes, there are “bad” people in the world. I put it in quotation marks because no one is inherently bad or good — each mind has the choice to be kind or hurtful. 

But the belief that many spiritual leaders promote that “deep inside everyone is a good person” is a myth. Living life with that false belief makes one vulnerable to being abused and mistreated by people who are psychologically unstable yet skilled at being manipulative. And waiting for or expecting “bad” actors to change is pure folly.

Yes. I’m sorry to say there are many people in this world who are cruel and hurtful.

A huge part of living a life of contentment and inner peace is seeing and accepting reality. Living in a bubble of myths and illusions will guarantee disappointment, pain and suffering. 

Being a nice person to those who are nice to us is appropriate. Allowing abusive behavior from others is not acceptable. 

Being Like a Child

Another myth that many spiritual seekers share is that “we all should be like children.” 

How many times have we heard someone say, “Look at how children unconditionally accept everyone and everything — we adults need to be like that again.”

Really?

Sure, very young children generally can be more acceptant of everyone and everything than adults who have been conditioned and molded by their cultures and surroundings. I’ll give you that. 

But those children also often lack the ability to reject bad behavior outright. They are not born knowing how to draw boundaries in their relationships and their decision making — which ironically is why they seem so acceptant of everything. And drawing boundaries is important to learn as they navigate through life, which responsible adults need to teach them. 

Moreover, childhood extends into the teens and we all have known or even been the victims of elementary and middle school bullying, so let’s not romanticize childhood innocence too far. 

So called “childlike innocence” is not something to be aspired to when it results in putting one’s hand on the hot stove. Even a child can eventually develop the wisdom not to. 

Being One With Others 

Another common belief among spiritual seekers is that we are all connected and some would even say, “we are one consciousness.” 

Really?

One consciousness means one mind. That means only one decision by that mind at a time. Is that a description of the world we live in? 

Of course not. 

Each mind or consciousness has its own unique ability to make decisions separate from every other person in the world. That’s the reality we live in.

Sure, we can say that we are all “connected” with each other. That’s accurate because we all can and do influence each other. 

But to say “we are all one” is a misstatement and misunderstanding that can lead to suffering. Because when we encounter someone who is abusive or cruel, if we truly believe “we are one” with everyone, then we might incorrectly accept their abusive behavior “as ours.” That we are also abusive along with them, or that we somehow deserve it. And that’s not only a complete mistake in our understanding, but also a source of unnecessary pain and suffering for ourselves. 

Their behavior is their behavior. We are not responsible for someone else’s behavior. We are not “one” with them in that way. 

So language and word choice matter. Because it communicates to us what we believe is true and accurate. And that affects our view of ourselves which directly impacts our happiness. 

Being Spiritually Mature 

First, what do I mean by “spiritual maturity”?

Simply put, I think it’s the ability to navigate life with as little drama as possible. 

To be able to see potential hazards in the road of life before we drive through them and instead to develop skillsets to navigate our vehicle around them without being harmed by those hazards. Sure, nobody gets through life without a few scratches or dings in their car doors. But can we live without major accidents and the accompanying injuries?

How does spiritual maturity develop?

My experience has been that it comes from life experiences. Many life experiences. And not just from having a wide variety of experiences but also from observing and understanding the motives behind people’s actions. For me, that understanding has come from a trial and error process over many years, even lifetimes, of seeing what people say and do, and then what the consequences are afterwards. 

By watching and engaging in that process repeatedly, one gathers a database of information about people. One learns the wide variety of ways they think and act. 

And by observing and learning, we can gain insights into what the “red flags” are in the behaviors of others that will telegraph their underlying intentions to us. And we can then act proactively instead of having to scramble reactively. Having to be reactive increases our chances of making a mistake that might cause us harm. 

So I think developing our sense of spiritual maturity is crucial to increasing happiness in our lives. Why? Because by learning more about the huge range of human behaviors, we not only teach ourselves how to avoid problems but also how to get our own desires fulfilled in ways that are effective, and importantly, not hurtful to others. 

Does Spiritual Maturity Guarantee Happiness?

No. Because we cannot control everything or everyone in the universe. Other people can and will sometimes do things that are contrary to our own happiness. 

But it will help us live with less anxiety and suffering. Because we will have learned how to avoid and if necessary extract ourselves from the presence of others who may either be intentionally (deliberately) or negligently (cluelessly) causing us harm. 

The ability to see those risks coming sooner than later — combined with handling them skillfully if we cannot avoid them — will increase our chances of being successful at living life free from suffering, and instead, with greater contentment and inner peace. 

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Kelvin H. Chin is a Meditation Teacher, Life After Life Expert, and Author of “Overcoming the Fear of Death,” “Marcus Aurelius Updated: 21st Century Meditations On Living Life” and “After the Afterlife: Memories of My Past Lives.” He learned to meditate at age 19, and has been teaching Turning Within Meditation and coaching others in their self-growth for 50 years. He helps people understand their life challenges through their individual belief systems, and helps them find their own solutions. His past life memories reach back many centuries, and he accesses those memories in his teaching and his coaching in the same way all coaches draw on their own available experiences for perspective and effective analogies. He can be reached at www.TurningWithin.org.

“Why Am I the Anti-Fear Guy?”

“Why Am I the Anti-Fear Guy?”

by Kelvin Chin
Author
Meditation Teacher

Because for individuals, fear contracts us and causes anxiety. Fear is the emotion caused by the anticipation of unhappiness. And the more unhappy the person is, the more insecure they are. And the more insecure, the more likely they will commit acts of cruelty. The more likely they will say or do things that hurt others. Why?  Because making others around them more unhappy makes the insecure person feel more powerful. And feeling more powerful — even momentarily — makes the insecure person feel happier.

It’s a vicious cycle.

Fear is at the root of the cycle.

And for societies, the effects of fear are more widespread. A society of fearful people knee jerks to incorrectly thinking that “control of others” is the answer. Because when the society is made up of inwardly fearful people, they begin to lose their ability to think rationally. They feel out of control. Then out of a sense of desperation, they might resort to choosing leaders who would capitalize on that fear by promising to control others whom they see as “the problem,” the enemy.

Kindness, tolerance, freedom and respect for the law are seen by society as “nice to haves” — not necessary. Because in a desperate mind, control reigns supreme. All else is secondary.

Leaders who prey upon the fearful and see control as the solution are typically fearful people themselves. So they seize that leadership opportunity to not only fulfill their own above-described individual need to lord themselves over others to make them feel powerless, but also assist their supporters in dishing out similar demeaning acts on others. All of that continues to promote the cycle of fear.

And thus, a society where cruelty and abuse is born. A culture where control of others is seen as “necessary to promote order.” And then it’s one easy step to abandoning a wide range of previously-held cultural ethics in favor of “the known.” The known outcome of abuse of some is seen as preferable to the unknown outcome of pursuing personal freedoms within the guardrails of the rule of law for the many.

The unknown and uncertain world that we all live in all the time is seen as a flaw to be fixed — instead of a reality to be embraced and lived within. And control is seen to be the solution. Increasingly greater control of others. Instead of seeking solutions to manage together the inherent uncertainty of the universe.

And the root cause is fear.

An anxious society is a desperate society. One that teeters on the edge of becoming an authoritarian state where abuse is tolerated because of that desperation. Such a place is not a happy place to live.

And we each know from our personal experience that control is never the long-term solution. The more we try to control, the more anxious we become. And so it is the same for societies as well.

That’s why I teach how to reduce our stress and how to manage our lives.

That’s why I am the anti-fear guy.

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Kelvin H. Chin is a Meditation Teacher, Life After Life Expert, and Author of “Overcoming the Fear of Death,” “Marcus Aurelius Updated: 21st Century Meditations On Living Life” and “After the Afterlife: Memories of My Past Lives.” He learned to meditate at age 19, and has been teaching Turning Within Meditation and coaching others in their self-growth for 50 years. He helps people understand their life challenges through their individual belief systems, and helps them find their own solutions. His past life memories reach back many centuries, and he accesses those memories in his teaching and his coaching in the same way all coaches draw on their own available experiences for perspective and effective analogies. He can be reached at www.TurningWithin.org.

“Self-Love” versus “Self-Critical”

“Self-Love” versus “Self-Critical”

by Kelvin Chin
Life After Life Expert

They are not mutually exclusive.

If you are not self-critical, you do not learn. You whitewash your misdeeds. You forget and you never learn how to be better. You do not change. 

If you think self-love simply means “loving all the great things about yourself,” then you may be naively embracing a very limited way of thinking of “love.”

True, honest, candid “self-love” must by definition include accepting — and therefore “loving” — all the not-so-great things about ourselves as well. That is, assuming our definition of “love” is “acceptance.” And not the childish view of love as “what we really like a lot.”

By accepting all of who we are, we can then compare and contrast the different parts of ourselves — the good and the bad — and learn from them. What of them make us happy and contented? And what of them makes us sad and insecure?

In seeing those differences and by contrasting them against each other, we can then make better choices. Choices that will make us happier. Decisions that will encourage more inner peace within. More inner peace because we will have removed the inner “fight,” the inner conflict within ourselves that arises when those differences are ignored.

This concept of being “self-critical” as a necessary component of personal growth also applies to nations. I think many nations, including the United States, could do a better job at applying this principle in looking at their respective histories.

Food for thought.

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Kelvin H. Chin is a Meditation Teacher, Life After Life Expert, and Author of “Overcoming the Fear of Death,” “Marcus Aurelius Updated: 21st Century Meditations On Living Life” and “After the Afterlife: Memories of My Past Lives.” He learned to meditate at age 19, and has been teaching Turning Within Meditation and coaching others in their self-growth for 50 years. He helps people understand their life challenges through their individual belief systems, and helps them find their own solutions. His past life memories reach back many centuries, and he accesses those memories in his teaching and his coaching in the same way all coaches draw on their own available experiences for perspective and effective analogies. He can be reached at www.TurningWithin.org.

“Rabbit’s Foot = Admission of Fear”

“Rabbit’s Foot = Admission of Fear”

by Kelvin Chin
Life After Life Expert

Do you carry a rabbit’s foot or a crystal in your pocket? Do you sage yourself before you go out? Do you tell your clients to surround themselves with a “bubble of white light” to protect themselves?

Aren’t all of those simply an admission of fear? Fear that one may be attacked by somebody who may harm us? Or that something bad might befall us?

I know these are popular talisman myths today. But the history of the rabbit’s foot in this way goes back to at least the 1500’s, and in the early 1800’s it was believed that witches would take the form of a rabbit so their foot would have magical powers. Really?

Even if you believe in such stories, the use of any of the above indicates a fear that needs external protection from.

There is a fundamental principle I have observed for thousands of years: “Fear attracts the object of fear.” That means either we internally create and manifest our own fears externally in our lives, or we attract others into our lives by expressing our fears in our thoughts and behavior that “bullies” then are attracted to since — to them — we are vulnerable and easy targets.

So, what is the most effective way to protect ourselves from external bullies?

By strengthening ourselves from within.

Bullies hate internally confident people. They stay away from those with a strong sense of self esteem. Such strong people are a pain in the neck to bullies. Way too difficult to dominate. And bullies are all about easy domination.

So, to really protect ourselves from all bullying types, whether on this side or the Other Side, I suggest instead of carrying a crystal, enveloping oneself with sage, or stroking the rabbit’s foot in one’s pocket, that we “turn within” and strengthen that unshakeable connection with ourselves. By doing so, we shed our fears, instead of continuing to carry them around trying to mask them with crystals, sage or a rabbit’s foot. 

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Kelvin H. Chin is a Meditation Teacher, Life After Life Expert, and Author of “Overcoming the Fear of Death,” “Marcus Aurelius Updated: 21st Century Meditations On Living Life” and “After the Afterlife: Memories of My Past Lives.” He learned to meditate at age 19, and has been teaching Turning Within Meditation and coaching others in their self-growth for 50 years. He helps people understand their life challenges through their individual belief systems, and helps them find their own solutions. His past life memories reach back many centuries, and he accesses those memories in his teaching and his coaching in the same way all coaches draw on their own available experiences for perspective and effective analogies. He can be reached at www.TurningWithin.org.

“Politics or Cruelty?”

“Politics or Cruelty?”

by Kelvin Chin
Life After Life Expert

I have my own political leanings and choices. I keep them to myself. I have found that reasonable, intelligent people can disagree on political issues. 

However, I draw a clear line between disagreements on political issues and how a politician expresses their views and themselves to the public. 

I have no tolerance for political leaders who publicly bully or otherwise act cruelly towards others. 

It doesn’t matter if I even agree with the politician’s views on the issues in discussion. If that politician, regardless of their political party, consistently acts like a bully, they have lost my respect and perhaps my vote. 

I expect my leaders to lead. That includes behaving like a leader. 

“Leaders” are self assured, inwardly secure human beings. “Posers” are often brash, pushy and insecure. Leaders are good listeners and welcome others’ ideas. Posers might make you believe they are listening, only to act on their own selfish thoughts. 

I suggest that our society and our world 🌎 might benefit from voting based on that distinction. Electing more of the former. 

Why is this important?

Because when a crisis happens, which one do you want at the helm?

Of course, ideally you would want someone who both agrees with your political views and your leadership ideals. But what if that’s not what happened in the election? What if your candidate lost? 

Wouldn’t it benefit us all — regardless of our political views — to educate our entire electorate, starting with our children who will eventually mature to be voters, to elect politicians (on both sides of the aisle) who are “leaders”? Not narcissistic bullies. Not “posers.”

In a crisis requiring complex decision making, I would argue that even the politician who disagrees with my political views yet has a strong inner presence based on self-confidence and self-knowledge would be better able to make socially conscious decisions than the politician who is inherently caught up in himself and who defaults to bullying others as his practice. 

The latter — because of his personality type — is unable to get out of his own way. This can be fatal in a crisis. Maybe not to him, but to those around him. Even the world 🌎 at large. 

To me, insecurity — and its frequent partner, cruelty — is a losing behavioral choice. Politicians who embody those fundamental flaws will not get my vote. 

And they will not bring about freedom in the world, no matter how much they may profess and promise this to us, because the shackles of their insecurity within — inherently and subconsciously — will dictate inevitably that their external behavior be to shackle others. 

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Kelvin H. Chin is a Meditation Teacher, Life After Life Expert, and Author of “Overcoming the Fear of Death,” “Marcus Aurelius Updated: 21st Century Meditations On Living Life” and “After the Afterlife: Memories of My Past Lives.” He learned to meditate at age 19, and has been teaching Turning Within Meditation and coaching others in their self-growth for 50 years. He helps people understand their life challenges through their individual belief systems, and helps them find their own solutions. His past life memories reach back many centuries, and he accesses those memories in his teaching and his coaching in the same way all coaches draw on their own available experiences for perspective and effective analogies. He can be reached at www.TurningWithin.org.

“There are no coincidences”

[The following was a life changing epiphany for me many decades ago:
If there is one exception to a phrase, statement or rule about life that has been spoken about as being “universal,” then that rule is incorrect. Because a universal rule cannot be universal if it has even one exception to it.]

“Everything happens for a reason” 
“There are no coincidences” 
“It was meant to be” 
“It was our destiny”

by Kelvin Chin
Life After Life Expert

Why is it important to stop saying these phrases?

Because they are “absolute” statements. That means they must apply in every situation in life.

No exceptions.

But do they?

Our life experience tells us they do not apply in every situation that happens. 

So they must be incorrect. 

One exception reduces the “absolutely all the time” rule to a mistake. 

Why is this important to understand?

Because if we truly believe those incorrect rules, then we must also believe that Free Will does not exist. Those rules mean that we have no choices in life. 

If “everything was meant to happen,” then everything is already known — all of your choices, and all of the trillions of other minds’ choices, and all of the effects of those trillions of trillions of choices, etc. Those phrases or rules all mean that everything has been predetermined.
Already set and decided. 

So if that’s the case, then why bother to live life?
Pretty dismal, if you ask me.

Also, a terrible unintended consequence of these false beliefs is that we might consciously or subconsciously — incorrectly — think we deserved to be abused when someone else mistreats us. 

No. Absolutely not.

The abuser is responsible for his choices. Not you. That abuse was not somehow “preordained” to absolutely happen. He (or she) chose to act inappropriately towards us.

I understand that people often say those things without meaning they’re absolutely true all the time. But English words (or any other language) have meaning. And those words mean “absolutely all the time without exception.”

They may make us feel good and comforted temporarily when we are feeling “down” or insecure, but are they accurate and helpful for our mental health in the longer run?

I think not. 

I prefer describing reality the way it is. Not the way we might imagine it to be in one special situation, and then magically change it in another situation, when it doesn’t fit. 

I think inner contentment and peace within comes from understanding and accepting reality clearly and with conviction. 

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Kelvin H. Chin is a Meditation Teacher, Life After Life Expert, and Author of “Overcoming the Fear of Death,” “Marcus Aurelius Updated: 21st Century Meditations On Living Life” and “After the Afterlife: Memories of My Past Lives.” He learned to meditate at age 19, and has been teaching Turning Within Meditation and coaching others in their self-growth for 50 years. He helps people understand their life challenges through their individual belief systems, and helps them find their own solutions. His past life memories reach back many centuries, and he accesses those memories in his teaching and his coaching in the same way all coaches draw on their own available experiences for perspective and effective analogies. He can be reached at www.TurningWithin.org.

“Idealistic Realism”

“Idealistic Realism”

by Kelvin Chin
Life After Life Expert

I’m an “idealistic realist.” That means I have ideals that I aspire to, but I’m realistic about getting there. 

Most of us have ideals. Desires and goals. But we don’t match our desires with realistic expectations for achieving those goals. 

For example, take the desire for less anxiety and the goal of balance in life, free from the overwhelming grip and pain of anxiety and stress in our lives. 

It’s an achievable goal. I’ve helped many people get there in their lives. 

But how long does it take?

Of course that’s the million dollar question. And the honest answer is “it depends.”  It depends on each person and how much stress they come with, the choices they make, and how patient they are with themselves in achieving a state of more balance in their lives. 

The first element is already set. The second and third elements they have control over. 

As their teacher I can only guide them. I don’t control those choices. They do. 

But I suggest we all need to look realistically at the goal of achieving balance in life. And take the gradual improvements in our lives through meditation and other balancing choices as “successes” along the way. 

Unfortunately, the “American” cultural view of “immediate gratification” has spread worldwide over the past 20-30 years. It comes along with the “consume now” economic driver that fuels so many country’s economies today. The more people buy every day, the higher the GDP of the country. And the best way to get people to buy more is to advertise and teach them that having patience is unacceptable. That to be happy we “need more now.”

I suggest that is not healthy. And that impatience breeds more stress and ensures an anxious life. 

A friend once told me that “most people have the patience of a flea.”

With the goal of restoring balance in our lives, we need patience.  We need to remember that we’ve been collecting and storing our “baggage” for years…and likely decades. At least. 

So if you’re 20-30 years old, what if it took 3-5 years of daily twice a day meditating for you to restore balance in your life? Or if you were 40-50 years old, what if it took you 5-10 years to restore a more or less “full” state of balance — meaning you’d likely not be overwhelmed by life experiences anymore? What if it gradually improved over that period of time, but it took that long to more fully establish that more unshakable sense of being?

Would you make that commitment to have that more “unshakable you” for the rest of your life?

Or would you give up after a week or two, or a month or two if your anxiety — that you had been collecting for decades — had not completely dissipated?

I’m here to help people wherever they are on the spectrum of anxiety — from very little (few people) to a lot (most people). 

But as I said, I’m an idealistic realist. I know that not everyone has the patience to match their desire for a balanced life with the choices they make and the time it takes to achieve that goal. 

Yet the idealist in me welcomes everyone to start that journey and see if they may surprise even themselves in how much patience they may develop along the way as they see gradual improvements in their well-being. 

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Kelvin H. Chin is a Meditation Teacher, Life After Life Expert, and Author of “Overcoming the Fear of Death,” “Marcus Aurelius Updated: 21st Century Meditations On Living Life” and “After the Afterlife: Memories of My Past Lives.” He learned to meditate at age 19, and has been teaching Turning Within Meditation and coaching others in their self-growth for 50 years. He helps people understand their life challenges through their individual belief systems, and helps them find their own solutions. His past life memories reach back many centuries, and he accesses those memories in his teaching and his coaching in the same way all coaches draw on their own available experiences for perspective and effective analogies. He can be reached at www.TurningWithin.org.

“The Mesmerized Western Seeker”

“The Mesmerized Western Seeker”

by Kelvin Chin
Life After Life Expert

So many in the West are seemingly swept away by the mere mention of an idea or a guru from the East. 

Why is that?

I think it may be because the terminology is so foreign to the Western ear that it somehow garners an almost immediate credibility without further discernment into the underlying idea itself. 

In addition, I’ve witnessed a similar phenomenon over the past 50 years with the names of the people pontificating those ideas. 

Again, for some reason it appears that spiritual teachers whose names start with “Shri” or even “Shri Shri,” or that sound like or actually are Indian, Southeast Asian, or to a lesser degree East Asian attract Western seekers in droves. Even teachers whose birth names were Christian or Jewish, but who changed them to an Indian sounding one seem to have catapulted their reputations by that simple name-changing act. 

But is what they have been teaching really that different from what the Westerners — steeped more in the Judeo-Christian traditions — have been used to hearing?

I think not so much. 

Without getting into the weeds of each of the traditions, and just looking at them from 100,000 feet, I think they all share some common denominators. 

The use of fear to motivate. The use of a lofty goal to attract people’s minds. The use of rewards to guide and control. The concept that there is something larger than the individual to be either worshipped as an individual being (God) or an inanimate state to attain (Enlightenment). 

The languaging of those concepts may vary but I think the similarity and parallelism cuts across both the Eastern and the Western traditions. 

What’s the teaching point here?

To look beyond the nomenclature, beneath the outer verbiage, past the titles couched in what may sound to the Western ear as inherently “mystical.”

What are they really saying? Does it make sense?

Does it give new insights? Or is it just rehashing of old ideas dressed up in Asian garb or Americanized lingo?

Sometimes it seems like almost any mystical-sounding idea is mesmerizing enough to inspire yet another few thousand Western seekers to sell all their worldly possessions and blindly follow — prostrating at the feet of someone spouting gibberish cloaked in a foreign language. 

Ask questions. Use your discernment. Hone your ability to distinguish between ideas that sound similar but are different. 

And then make up your own mind. 

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Kelvin H. Chin is a Meditation Teacher, Life After Life Expert, and Author of “Overcoming the Fear of Death,” “Marcus Aurelius Updated: 21st Century Meditations On Living Life” and “After the Afterlife: Memories of My Past Lives.” He learned to meditate at age 19, and has been teaching Turning Within Meditation and coaching others in their self-growth for 50 years. He helps people understand their life challenges through their individual belief systems, and helps them find their own solutions. His past life memories reach back many centuries, and he accesses those memories in his teaching and his coaching in the same way all coaches draw on their own available experiences for perspective and effective analogies. He can be reached at www.TurningWithin.org.

“Barriers to Recalling Past Life Memories”

“Barriers to Recalling Past Life Memories”

by Kelvin Chin
Life After Life Expert

The more you believe in a state of Perfection, the more you hold yourself to that standard. 

The more you hold yourself to that standard, the more you block yourself from continual personal growth. (Because once you have reached the state of “perfection,” there can no longer be any more growth.)

The more you block yourself from continual personal growth, the more limited your journey will become. Instead of continued growth and expansion, you will have chosen increasing limitation and living in the illusion of perfection. 

How does that affect past life memory recall?

The more you hold yourself to a standard of Perfection, the more you decrease your chances of remembering your past lives. Because they will most likely remind you of how imperfect you have been, and therefore may cause you embarrassment and shame. Which you will emotionally want to avoid. And therefore, subconsciously block. 

Why? To preserve your belief that you can be — and maybe you even think you are — perfect. 

The more you accept your imperfections, the more you accept (love) yourself. The more you accept yourself, the broader that “time of acceptance” can become. Perhaps even to include your past lives. From which you can learn more about who you are now. 

[Note: In this essay, I use the standard definition of “perfection”: “free from all flaws and defects.” That means no mistakes. Ever. Forever. So, I’m not using the New Age colloquial meaning that “we’re all perfect the way we are!”]

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If you are curious about Kelvin’s journey resurfacing his two dozen past lives
that reach back 6,000 years,
you might be interested in his 2023 book:
“After the Afterlife: Memories of My Past Lives”
which is available on Amazon.

Click on this image for more about this book.

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Kelvin H. Chin is a Meditation Teacher, Life After Life Expert, and Author of “Overcoming the Fear of Death,” “Marcus Aurelius Updated: 21st Century Meditations On Living Life” and “After the Afterlife: Memories of My Past Lives.” He learned to meditate at age 19, and has been teaching Turning Within Meditation and coaching others in their self-growth for 50 years. He helps people understand their life challenges through their individual belief systems, and helps them find their own solutions. His past life memories reach back many centuries, and he accesses those memories in his teaching and his coaching in the same way all coaches draw on their own available experiences for perspective and effective analogies. He can be reached at www.TurningWithin.org.

“Rational Thought and Intuitive Feeling”

“Rational Thought and Intuitive Feeling”

by Kelvin Chin
Life After Life Expert

Get rid of the idea that one is better than the other in decision making. 

Let’s agree that too much reliance on either one is what we could call “imbalanced.” That both are important. And that both actually are automatically included in every mental experience everyone has if we’re paying close attention. 

But my observation for many years is that there seems to be a movement towards and even a preference in the masses worldwide for the intuitive feeling type of experience. 

Why is that?

I think there are several reasons for this. 

First, I think it’s because it feels good. It’s an immediate response. There’s no lag time. Immediate gratification. No waiting. Feel good or feel bad. Black and white. Definitive. Clear. 

But does the primary reliance on living life based on whether something feels good (or not) create a balanced, productive life?

Drug addicts say it feels really good to be high. But did the knee jerk intuitive decision to shoot up lead to healthy consequences? Conspiracy theorists and their followers swear that there are bad things happening in the basement of a store that has no basement. But it feels good — almost tribal — to be part of that small group who “knows” there must be a “hidden basement.” Or that small group who “knows” that the Earth 🌎 is flat. But does belief in those conspiracy theories help create a more compassionate, less divisive, productive world?

What else is going on behind the scenes — within us — to make us lean towards trusting our gut feelings over our rational thought?

I think we are moved first by the visceral intuitive feelings we have. Then we assess them with our intellect, i.e., our rational thinking. I think that is the usual, normal, natural process.

But sometimes we skip that rational step. And just go with the intuition. 

If we’re honest, sometimes it works out for us and sometimes it doesn’t. Right? Our intuition is not right all the time. 

And more broadly — societally — why do we see so much emphasis on feelings in decision making? Why do we see a tendency for relying more on how something makes you feel?

Where does preference for intuitive (gut) feeling over rational thought come from?

“Emotion sells, intellect tells.” I learned that in life insurance sales training many years ago. 

Institutions — business, political, educational and governmental — all have learned that it’s easier (cheaper) and more effective (return on investment) to manipulate feelings than rational thinking. To get us to do what they want us to do. 

Car ads focus on “how they’ll make you feel” when you own the car. They create the illusion that your life will change for the better  — maybe get the adoration of all your friends (jealousy) — when you drive that car. So they can also appeal to your weaknesses emotionally — in this case perhaps your need to be worshipped by others. 

And what’s the simple formula?

“Just believe me (or my advertisement message) and blindly follow (buy the car).” And then your life will be…utopian. Perfect. Trouble-free. Blissful. 

And when your rational thought kicks in and you ask the salesperson sitting across from you: “But what about the monthly payments and the maintenance costs of this car?” — they’ll say some variation of the following:

“Ok, I know that what I said didn’t make total sense but, trust me, it will later…” (after you sign this purchase and sale agreement and buy the car). 

Sound familiar?

Whether it’s car sales, political elections, religious recruitment or college admissions — we’ve seen this play before. 

In all those industries what’s their objective?
Control. Control the narrative. Control your reaction. Control your decision making. 

My question to us all is this:

Does the overemphasis on intuitive feeling make society more vulnerable to those who want to control and manipulate us?

Food for thought. 

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Kelvin H. Chin is a Meditation Teacher, Life After Life Expert, and Author of “Overcoming the Fear of Death,” “Marcus Aurelius Updated: 21st Century Meditations On Living Life” and “After the Afterlife: Memories of My Past Lives.” He learned to meditate at age 19, and has been teaching Turning Within Meditation and coaching others in their self-growth for 50 years. He helps people understand their life challenges through their individual belief systems, and helps them find their own solutions. His past life memories reach back many centuries, and he accesses those memories in his teaching and his coaching in the same way all coaches draw on their own available experiences for perspective and effective analogies. He can be reached at www.TurningWithin.org.

“The 1960’s Love Culture & Teaching How to Draw Boundaries”

“The 1960’s Love Culture & Teaching How to Draw Boundaries”

by Kelvin Chin
Life After Life Expert

I grew up in the 1960s. We were raised by parents who grew up during or who even fought in World War II. 

There was a certain assumption made by most of our parents that you had to work for what you got in life — your studies, job, family…your happiness. And that meant figuring out how to live with boundaries, making choices, prioritizing. 

Things weren’t handed to you gift wrapped. They grew up not knowing if there was going to be a “tomorrow.”

That said, in the 1950-60s life was plentiful compared to wartime. No food shortages. No gas ⛽️ rationing. No working in factories to make bombs, planes, ships and ammunition just 10-20 years earlier. 

People could begin to relax and breathe. And enjoy life again. 

I think many of my generation got spoiled from that sudden post-war abundance. 

And then coupled with the anti-Vietnam War movement along with the “Peace and Love” culture, we became further distanced from the realities of what it took to accomplish things in life. 

I wonder sometimes if our children and (for some of us) grandchildren may have been raised with too few boundaries. I’m not arguing for strict disciplinarian parenting. 

However, I often see today’s parents dropping everything to accommodate their children’s needs and sometimes their whims. Meeting their “needs” I can see. Acquiescing to every “want” I see as problematic. 

And this often means the parents sublimating, even ignoring their own needs sometimes to accommodate “whatever my child wants.”

What message are we teaching our kids?

That we are not important and they are all-important? 

What lessons about “the gray areas of life” does that teach them? Or does that teach them that life is black and white?

Are we teaching them that all their hopes, dreams and desires — no matter what they are — will be met in life? And what happens when that doesn’t happen?

Have we set our kids and grandkids up for success or failure in life? Adaptability or rigidity? Happiness or disappointment?

Teaching our youth to manage boundaries is a very important life lesson and can mean the difference between inner peace and suffering. I think it’s something to pay attention to. 

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Kelvin H. Chin is a Meditation Teacher, Life After Life Expert, and Author of “Overcoming the Fear of Death,” “Marcus Aurelius Updated: 21st Century Meditations On Living Life” and “After the Afterlife: Memories of My Past Lives.” He learned to meditate at age 19, and has been teaching Turning Within Meditation and coaching others in their self-growth for 50 years. He helps people understand their life challenges through their individual belief systems, and helps them find their own solutions. His past life memories reach back many centuries, and he accesses those memories in his teaching and his coaching in the same way all coaches draw on their own available experiences for perspective and effective analogies. He can be reached at www.TurningWithin.org.

A “Pious Devotee”?

A “Pious Devotee”?

by Kelvin Chin
Life After Life Expert

How do we measure piety? What does “being pious” mean?

The Oxford dictionary definition says: “devoutly religious.” But interestingly, it also cites a secondary meaning: “making a hypocritical display of virtue.”

Whatever the religious tradition — Judeo, Christian, Islamic, Vedic, or any other of the thousands on Earth — there tend to be religious rituals and obligations expected to be fulfilled by their followers. They can range from not eating at all (fasting) to eating certain foods only (kosher), and wearing head coverings (yamaka, hijab) to shaving one’s head, and prayers or meditation at certain times of the day. 

I respect everyone’s religious beliefs. To me, that’s a very personal thing. A choice that each person makes within themselves. 

But I don’t judge a book by its cover. 

And yes, I do think it’s important “to judge.”

Not a person’s inner state. But as I discussed in my YouTube video on “Judging Others,” we should definitely judge other people’s behavior. Their actions. Because if we ignore their actions, we won’t learn anything about human behavior. And we’ll then be vulnerable to being abused by uncaring people. 

So with people who claim to be pious, what does this mean?

We need to observe their behavior. But not merely the superficial acts they perform. Because many charlatans are very skilled at doing the rituals — fasting on holy days, praying multiple times a day, wearing the appropriate head covering (as George Carlin famously pointed out, in some religions, men must cover their heads in temples but women must not, and in other religions, the opposite is required), however because these “religious performers” are only “acting the part,” they find it impossible to hide their true personality all the time and can’t help but “fall out of character” and abuse their wives, cats, dogs, children, co-workers, strangers (and everyone else under the sun) when they leave the temple, mosque or church. 

So, let’s assume God exists. Let’s not debate this because there is no real “scientific proof” either way. But for the sake of our discussion, if God exists, I think we would all agree that God must have “common sense.” (I can even hear our old friend George Carlin on the other side agreeing with that!)

So which one makes more sense, more “common sense”?

Whom do you admire more? Who seems to you to be living life more spiritually?

Is it the one who prays and fasts whenever he was told to, but gets pleasure from making others feel miserable? Or is it the one who forgets to pray and never fasts, but who is kind and compassionate to her family and community, and just so happened to be born with Type-1 diabetes?

I’ll let you decide. You judge. Use your common sense. As I suspect God would do. 

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Kelvin H. Chin is a Meditation Teacher, Life After Life Expert, and Author of “Overcoming the Fear of Death,” “Marcus Aurelius Updated: 21st Century Meditations On Living Life” and “After the Afterlife: Memories of My Past Lives.” He learned to meditate at age 19, and has been teaching Turning Within Meditation and coaching others in their self-growth for 50 years. He helps people understand their life challenges through their individual belief systems, and helps them find their own solutions. His past life memories reach back many centuries, and he accesses those memories in his teaching and his coaching in the same way all coaches draw on their own available experiences for perspective and effective analogies. He can be reached at www.TurningWithin.org.

“Are We Being Egotistical By Feeling Guilty That We Could Not Save A Friend?”

“Are We Being Egotistical By Feeling Guilty That We Could Not Save A Friend?”

by Kelvin Chin
Life After Life Expert

Think about it. 

How many times have you heard (or perhaps felt yourself) someone say they “felt guilty” about not being able to convince a friend to save themselves?

Let’s unbundle that. 

First of all, is it good to care about the well-being of others, especially our friends?
Absolutely yes.
Of course. 

But that’s not the issue. Caring is not the issue. 

The issue is what can we do? What can we control? Especially what can we control when the friend does not want our help. That is the issue. 

Why? Because that is where: 1) we either stay free from guilt or 2) we strap pounds of guilt onto our shoulders — I would argue unnecessarily and inappropriately. 

What do I mean?

We can only help those who want to be helped. Those who at least implicitly — or explicitly — ask for our help. 

Otherwise we are “stepping on their Free Will toes” to choose something — a path — that we do not agree with. And do they have that power and ability to make a choice we do not agree with? Absolutely yes. 

Ask yourself:
Would you want them to be stepping on your ability to make your personal choices? Probably not. 

So why do you feel as if it’s your “right” or “responsibility” to step on their ability to choose?

You can’t have it both ways. You can’t say you believe in Free Will and personal choice ONLY when their choices AGREE with your choices! 

So, whenever you feel “guilty” about not having been able to change your friend’s choices that you think caused them suffering, you may actually be overstepping the bounds of that friendship. You may be trying to control someone else who has not even asked you for help. 

If so, you are actually acting quite egotistically — being self-centered. And not really acting in the best interests of your friend. But instead, in your own interest.

Which I would argue is not true friendship. 

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Kelvin H. Chin is a Meditation Teacher, Life After Life Expert, and Author of “Overcoming the Fear of Death,” “Marcus Aurelius Updated: 21st Century Meditations On Living Life” and “After the Afterlife: Memories of My Past Lives.” He learned to meditate at age 19, and has been teaching Turning Within Meditation and coaching others in their self-growth for 40 years. He helps people understand their life challenges through their individual belief systems, and helps them find their own solutions. His past life memories reach back many centuries, and he accesses those memories in his teaching and his coaching in the same way all coaches draw on their own available experiences for perspective and effective analogies. He can be reached at www.TurningWithin.org.

“Where Does Belief In A Supreme Being Come From?”

“Where Does Belief In A Supreme Being Come From?”

by Kelvin Chin
Life After Life Expert

Think about this question in whatever area of life that is easiest for you to ponder.  It does not have to be religion. How about business? Politics? Education? Law? Science? Heck, how about relationships and family?

I think this idea applies to any area of life. 

Now, first let’s clarify. I’m not suggesting that having a leader to organize a social unit in any of the above (or any other areas I didn’t mention) is unhelpful. Of course, from a purely “help the social unit function better” standpoint, having an organizational structure with managers and some reporting system is often useful. 

That’s not what I’m talking about here. 

I’m talking about belief in a being who is given absolute control over all decisions. With no possibility of input from any other entity. 

Where does the need for the desire and belief — and attempt to create such a person — arise from?

I think it comes from the belief that “control of others” helps us have a happier life. And that having a being who ultimately has “absolute control” over other people will definitely allow us — finally — to be happy. 

So we invent such a being. We do that through the structure of the area we are talking about. If it’s religion, we use our minds. If it’s politics, we may use an election. If it’s business or law, we may simply appoint the person.

But why? Why do we feel the need to put someone in that position of absolute control over everything and everyone?

I think it is because we feel “out of control.”

And because we feel out of control, we fear the future. We feel “uncertain” about what may happen to us next. 

And our solution is to invent someone who has absolute control over other people and things because we don’t have that control. 

But is control the real problem? Is that the true issue?

I think not. 

I think the real problem is that our desire to control arises from our insecurities. What do I mean? 

I think when we are feeling less confident about our own abilities to solve whatever life problems we may be facing — growing crops, disputes with neighbors, winning a sports game, or completing a business deal — we look outside ourselves for a “life preserver.” And depending on how much at a loss we are feeling — how desperate we are — determines how much control we give to that person. 

And we think that will solve our problem. Or problems.  

We think by successfully delegating all of our control to someone else, we will succeed all the time. And be happy. 

However, this assumes of course that the supreme being we have invented (or elected or appointed) always has our best interests in mind. 

Hmmmm. 

And so that would assume that supreme being has no self interest of their own. 

Food for thought. 

Sounds risky, right? Have you ever heard of anyone who does not have their own self to take care of? And wouldn’t it make sense that their taking care of themselves would be important to them?

Seems reasonable to me. We should all take care of ourselves first and foremost. Nothing wrong with that!

But what if that person’s self interest doesn’t always match up with ours? Starting to sound more risky, right?

So what’s the “least risky” route?

I think the best bet — where to put one’s money — is on ourselves first. 

Strengthening ourselves from within reduces the need for controlling other people and things outside of us. None of which we (or anyone else) can ever have absolute control over anyway. 

Because, even if we are seemingly successful in inventing a supreme being and giving them absolute control over us and everything else, we soon discover they actually don’t have the absolute control over everything we had hoped for. Or worse, we may discover to our dismay that they never really had our best interest in mind. And they only had their own selfish reasons for applying for the position of supreme being, and we may regret having deluded ourselves by thinking that a supreme being would save us.

So maybe inventing, electing or appointing a supreme being is not the answer to creating that permanent state of happiness we yearn for. Maybe the answer has always been that a supreme being has never needed to be invented. And that strengthening ourselves from within is all that has been needed to dissipate our fears and our perceived need for such absolute control.

That may be the more likely — and much less risky — route to a life of happiness. 

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Kelvin H. Chin is a Meditation Teacher, Life After Life Expert, and Author of “Overcoming the Fear of Death,” “Marcus Aurelius Updated: 21st Century Meditations On Living Life” and “After the Afterlife: Memories of My Past Lives.” He learned to meditate at age 19, and has been teaching Turning Within Meditation and coaching others in their self-growth for 40 years. He helps people understand their life challenges through their individual belief systems, and helps them find their own solutions. His past life memories reach back many centuries, and he accesses those memories in his teaching and his coaching in the same way all coaches draw on their own available experiences for perspective and effective analogies. He can be reached at www.TurningWithin.org.