“Belief in Destiny as a Defense Mechanism”
by Kelvin Chin
Author
Meditation Teacher
The human nervous system is built to survive. It can biologically withstand great physical challenges and still continue to function. Sure, it may be injured and not working at its optimum capacity. But at least it’s still functioning. It hasn’t ceased working.
For example, we can sprain our ankle. Then what happens? It swells up. Why? To create a natural “splint” restricting our movement. For what reason? To slow us down and immobilize our ankle. Why? So we don’t do further damage to it. Because if we became totally incapable of walking we wouldn’t be able to feed ourselves and we would die.
But we need more than just our body to survive. The same survival instincts happen with our minds.
I think we sometimes can create myths about ourselves and others that may help us survive mentally and emotionally when we are unable to figure things out ourselves.
One example, that I often encounter in my work helping people with death and dying fears and anxieties, arises when someone we love dies. We are suddenly left adrift mentally and emotionally. As if without a life preserver or a lifeboat.
So we grasp onto whatever thought or beliefs are readily available. And we hold onto them for dear life.
One such belief is that “everything happens for a reason.” It was their “destiny” to die. They chose their “exit point.” Or perhaps the most commonly spoken phrase: it was “God’s will.”
But does that make sense? And does it really make us feel better?
Does “everything” happen for a reason? That would mean none of us in the world would have any control over anything we think or do. No ability to make decisions. No ability to say “No.”
Because the word “everything” means what it says. It is all inclusive. It means “no exceptions.” None.
If you can think of just one example, then you have contradicted your statement about “everything.” Zap! The belief is false. It cannot be correct if “something” can happen without a reason.
I think many people who cling onto that false belief have never been on a battlefield before. Never seen the plane next to them get blown up by a random flak explosion or their best friend beheaded by a sword wielded by the enemy soldier, or even worse killed by friendly fire. Was that “meant to be”? Planned ahead of time and controlled by some god or gods? Some superior being? That’s some uncaring, sadistic being if so. Couldn’t that fatal act have been the result of an intentional act by another human? Or even an accidental act by others?
And what’s the longer term effect of holding onto that false belief in other life situations?
I have seen it cause paralysis in people’s lives. They can become too afraid to act. They can get so worried about “doing what’s right” or “what they should do” that they end up doing nothing. Or they become so hesitant that they miss opportunities or fail to live life more spontaneously and joyously.
They can get stuck and not move on with living life after the loss of their loved one.
I think adjusting our thinking and thus our beliefs about life and death is an important element of living a happier healthier life. And especially with the death of a loved one, while that reality is understandably such a hard thing for us to accept, using the “it was meant to happen” myth I think does more harm than good.
Kelvin H. Chin is a Meditation Teacher, Life After Life Expert, and Author of “Overcoming the Fear of Death,” “Marcus Aurelius Updated: 21st Century Meditations On Living Life” and “After the Afterlife: Memories of My Past Lives.” He learned to meditate at age 19, and has been teaching Turning Within Meditation and coaching others in their self-growth for 50 years. He helps people understand their life challenges through their individual belief systems, and helps them find their own solutions. His past life memories reach back many centuries, and he accesses those memories in his teaching and his coaching in the same way all coaches draw on their own available experiences for perspective and effective analogies. He can be reached at www.TurningWithin.org.