“For Guys Only”
by Kelvin Chin
Life After Life Expert
I’m a guy.
I’ve played organized competitive sports, led large business organizations, and scuba dived at 115 feet deep in the ocean.
But those of you who measure “being a guy” only in those terms are missing out. Not only that, but you could be setting a bad example for your young sons, the men of the future.
Too many guys measure their “maleness” by how macho they are. By how much testosterone they can exude to the world — typically to the world of women. How much of that male hormone they can spill onto the widest variety of playing fields — in business, sports, and yes at home — any number of what they view as the “battlefields” of life.
Ok, I don’t want to leave out my LBGTQ friends from this discussion because yes, those guys are guilty of limiting themselves in this way too. They can be equally guilty of excessive “peacock feather rattling.” And yes, they too can be fathers to straight or gay sons. So, being as inclusive as possible....
We guys — all of us — need to grow up.
We need to emotionally mature beyond puberty.
Because not only are we potentially missing out, but we’re also creating a higher likelihood of bad hurtful behavior towards others. And that includes others whom we may care about.
What are we “missing out” on?
How about having a mutually loving, emotionally rich relationship with our spouse or girlfriend? Or with our children? Or our grandchildren? (Yes, grandpa, it’s never too late to start moving beyond your puberty-based fears and limitations...)
By continuing to act in that emotionally “me-oriented” state we embraced as 16 year olds, we limit ourselves to women (or men) who will “put up with us.” As opposed to partners who actually want to be with us, and feel like they can thrive with us. Not in spite of us.
And worse. That juvenile narcissistic behavior, when played out by a 40, 50, or 60 year old man — or god forbid, if he is a father — risks hurting others through his bullying, of his spouse or children.
And then, what a tragic example of how to “be a man” such a dad demonstrates to his sons.
Yet, even so, the “I am who I am because of my father” is a poor excuse in my book. We each can change. If we want to. If we are strong enough.
That’s strength. True strength.
When you are met with adversity — in this case maybe a lousy role model — and you nevertheless overcome the bullying behavior of your father and become a truly strong, emotionally caring human being. A better father than what you had.
That is a demonstration of true strength.
So guys, no matter how young or old you are, or where you live in the world 🌎, think about this.
Honestly ask yourself if this describes you. And know that you can do something about it, if you want. You can change. You can grow. You can be a better person — you can let your testosterone flow and be a caring guy too. You can be “stronger” in a real way — not just a showy peacock way.
And you might find that your girlfriend, spouse, or kids may love you more for it.
That’s the benefit of being a real man. Not just a man respected by men.
But a man respected by women.
And children.
Kelvin H. Chin is a Meditation Teacher, Life After Life Expert, and Author of “Overcoming the Fear of Death,” “Marcus Aurelius Updated: 21st Century Meditations On Living Life” and “After the Afterlife: Memories of My Past Lives.” He learned to meditate at age 19, and has been teaching Turning Within Meditation and coaching others in their self-growth for 40 years. He helps people understand their life challenges through their individual belief systems, and helps them find their own solutions. His past life memories reach back many centuries, and he accesses those memories in his teaching and his coaching in the same way all coaches draw on their own available experiences for perspective and effective analogies. He can be reached at www.TurningWithin.org.