“Self-Interested versus Self-Centered”
by Kelvin Chin
Life After Life Expert
Could therein be both the cause and solution to the world’s problems on this planet?
In fact, that may be where “the rubber meets the road” — the distinction between being self-interested and self-centered.
Let’s unbundle this — one of the most widespread human inner conflicts.
Self-Interested
I think we are all self-interested. Meaning we look out for our own needs, our own interests. What matters to us. I think that’s not only normal and natural. But most importantly, it’s necessary.
After all, if I didn’t get food and shelter for myself, who else would? On a basic survival level, I wouldn’t survive if I didn’t look out for myself. My needs.
And not just my basic physical needs for survival. I need to look out for and try to meet my mental and emotional needs as well. Because we are not merely physical beings. We are mental, emotional, and arguably, spiritual beings in physical bodies.
So, someone needs to be the primary caretaker and gatherer of those needs. And that someone is each of us. For each of us.
That makes logical sense. Right?
And in my opinion, this is important to recognize. Because if we recognize and accept that each of us is self-interested in this way that I’ve described — that it is a normal, natural tendency we all have — then we can be more conscious and intentional about looking out for the needs that others around us may have. Recognize their interests. And perhaps help them meet those needs and interests.
By doing so, we would support that other person, and nurture and cultivate our relationship with them. By helping them be more happy. And “what goes around, comes around.” Right?
If they’re happier, we’re happier. It’s a win-win.
self-centered = “selfish”
However, if we are unable to be self-aware enough to see that potential asset — that potentially relationship-altering perspective — then our relationship will likely fall into disrepair.
Because that lack of self-awareness will probably push our neutral self-interested state of mind over to being self-centered. When we become excessively self-interested, we become self-centered. And when that happens, we become selfish.
Isolated
Alone
We have moved off the neutral state of being self-interested to the negative, energy-draining state of being self-centered. We have become “selfish.”
Lonely
We lose our connection with others. Because we have lost our connection within ourselves.
“Turning Within”
By “turning within” and connecting within ourselves, we naturally “feed” ourselves from the inside out. It’s the basis for the process of self-awareness.
Then we can begin to develop a more complete perspective on our place in the world and how to nurture and develop our state of happiness in a way that does not harm others. Does not “take” from others. Does not drain others.
That honors our self-interested nature, and yet, does not cross the line to selfishness.
But it only can be a reality if we each first take care of ourselves from within. By releasing the frustration and anger that accumulates. So we don’t project it onto those around us. That is where self-interest crosses the line to selfishness. That’s when we begin to hurt ourselves and others.
And the development of a life as a self-aware being starts with recognition. So seeing that is a beginning step. Seeing that we sometimes cross that line is a critical first step. Then we can begin to do something about it. We can begin to change our behavior, catching ourselves more often when we see ourselves shifting to being selfish from our normal, innate state of self-interestedness.
But as I said, that cannot be done effectively by simply changing one’s thoughts about this. It has to come from deep within. From the inner fabric of who we are. By stimulating that part of us that can release us from the binding influence of past stresses in our lives, and expanding our conscious capacity for mental experience that truly broadens our perspective.
Then we will feel inwardly more balanced and more naturally find ourselves living life from the normal state of self-interest…with fewer wanderings into selfishness.
Kelvin H. Chin is a Meditation Teacher, Life After Life Expert, and Author of “Overcoming the Fear of Death,” “Marcus Aurelius Updated: 21st Century Meditations On Living Life” and “After the Afterlife: Memories of My Past Lives.” He learned to meditate at age 19, and has been teaching Turning Within Meditation and coaching others in their self-growth for 40 years. He helps people understand their life challenges through their individual belief systems, and helps them find their own solutions. His past life memories reach back many centuries, and he accesses those memories in his teaching and his coaching in the same way all coaches draw on their own available experiences for perspective and effective analogies. He can be reached at www.TurningWithin.org.