“Destiny & Losing A Child”
by Kelvin Chin
Life After Life Expert
First, it is hard if not impossible to make sense out of losing a child to physical death before we, as their parents, die.
Period. That is a given.
However, many parents who lose a child often ask me about “destiny” and whether they each had a role in crafting some sort of plan before birth that may have included the premature death of the child.
Destiny
As for this idea of “destiny,” you will see if you take my Afterlife & Reincarnation Experiences series, that I am a strong proponent of rational, demystified thinking. That yes, in my experience, the universe acts in a logical, understandable way. And that there are some basic fundamental principles that are consistent in our universe — on both this side and the other side.
Free Will
“Free Will” does exist for ALL minds. Without exception.
(NOTE: in my vocabulary, the term “mind” is synonymous with consciousness, soul, spirit, etc.)
So, that means everything is subject to change all the time, given the potential influence of trillions of minds on each of us at any given moment. Yes, some of those minds have a more direct, and others a more indirect influence on each of us, but ALL are influencing us all the time.
And, yes, along with the above principle, before we incarnate, we can have meetings with friends and others on the other side and “make plans” — or what some people call, “soul contracts.” In other words, we can choose to think and plan strategically before we come back in a new life in a new biological body.
That said, not just our own changing of our minds, but more importantly, the Free Will decisions by those trillions of other minds will affect our plans, especially as it/the plan unfolds.
So, yes, constant adjustment can be made, but we NEVER have full control over everything. No one does.
And I would argue no mind does…whether human, animal, angelic, god-like, or whatever other entity you want to label who has a “mind.” Otherwise, you will have created an exception to Free Will, which I think does not exist.
So, if one wants to “label” that pre-birth plan as a sort of “destiny,” fine. I’m ok with that as a loose metaphorical expression or term of art. But not literal. Not literally destiny, in the way most people think of destiny.
Because it is NEVER an absolute “pre-determined” plan or destiny with a guaranteed outcome (that is the way most people define “destiny”). That would contravene the idea of Free Will completely. You simply cannot have both at the same time (Free Will and Determinism are oil and water).
Period.
It is blatantly illogical — if you hear some so-called “spiritual experts” making such statements, it is a red flag. Cognitively dissonant. An attempt at putting a round peg in a square hole. Question it.
I am here to reduce fear in the world.
To do that, sometimes requires undoing a lot of myths and illogical, cognitively dissonant thinking that, in my opinion, in the end can cause increased suffering in the world.
A Construction example
Using a construction project as an example might help illustrate this idea of destiny and Free Will.
Of course, the architect of the building is a key player in the project. You would be the architect of your “life plan.” And the building project plans would be analogous to your choosing to plan your life with others — before any of you incarnated into your physical biological body.
However, so that the analogy more accurately mirrors real life, we need to also inject all the contractors, subcontractors, lawyers, accountants and investors/bankers into the equation (and many more — e.g., their respective wives, husbands, children, aunts and uncles of all of those people, etc.— you get the picture!!). They also ALL have influence on the outcome of the construction project (post-birth).
So, to be thorough and realistic in our thinking and analysis, we also need to consider ALL the Free Will choices and decisions made by each of those many minds and the ripple effect — both direct and indirect — of those probably millions of choices on your original “pre-birth” plan that you, perhaps, may have had with your child who tragically died prematurely,
And so, at the end of the day, with such a complex interconnection and interaction with so many minds’ choices, we might just as well end up having to say that your child’s death is not able to be “figured out” — the unanswerable “Why did it happen?” That there may be no “reason” for it. Maybe you and s/he had a pre-birth agreement, but even if you did, with all the Free Will minds involved (NOT just yours and his/hers), the bottom line is that neither of you ever had full control over the outcome. Life is all about probabilities, not guarantees.
All we can do is act with what we know at the moment. Control and influence what we can. But we cannot foresee and take into account — much less “control” — every possible choice that every possible mind in the universe will make. Otherwise they don’t have Free Will. And they all do.
We all do.
As painful as it is to lose a child, I hope that perspective helps.
Kelvin H. Chin is a Meditation Teacher, Life After Life Expert, and Author of “Overcoming the Fear of Death,” “Marcus Aurelius Updated: 21st Century Meditations On Living Life” and “After the Afterlife: Memories of My Past Lives.” He learned to meditate at age 19, and has been teaching Turning Within Meditation and coaching others in their self-growth for 40 years. He helps people understand their life challenges through their individual belief systems, and helps them find their own solutions. His past life memories reach back many centuries, and he accesses those memories in his teaching and his coaching in the same way all coaches draw on their own available experiences for perspective and effective analogies. He can be reached at www.TurningWithin.org.