“Guilty Pleasures”
by Kelvin Chin
Life After Life Expert
Where does this idea come from? Is it good for us to have?
See my essay on “Sex & Spirituality” in my 2021 book Marcus Aurelius Updated: 21st Century Meditations On Living Life. I won’t repeat that essay here, except to say that the origin I think of this notion of “guilty pleasures” came from a bunch of celibate monks 8-10,000 years ago who honestly thought it was good advice.
Food for thought.
But OK, let’s back up a bit and let’s focus on the “guilty” part. And expand the discussion here beyond just sex.
What is a “guilty pleasure” in our modern day society?
The dictionary definition is “something, such as a movie, TV program, or piece of music, that one enjoys despite feeling that it is not generally held in high regard.”
So, it is something embarrassing to admit to enjoying — like watching reality TV shows, preferring comic books over reading “The Economist” magazine, or eating potato chips as your “vegetable” for your evening meal.
But I want to expand our thinking about “guilty pleasures” from merely the 21st century slang that we may be familiar with. Because I think in that slang phrase lies a deeper, more troubling seed that has grown over the millennia without our knowing or paying attention to.
I think this idea of “guilty pleasures” arises from a “should” place. A “Thou shalt” — or an equally commanding “Thou shalt not” — place.
“You shouldn’t eat that piece of dark chocolate cake…”
And why “should we not”? Why should we not experience the pleasures of life? Whether they be from chocolate cake, comic books or sex.
I think it may actually originate from the idea that this earthly life is not the important one — we are only here temporarily to get to the Afterlife where we will live for eternity. That will be the place of “pleasure.” So, we should forsake all pleasures while we are living on Earth. We really should not be having fun while here on Earth. Thus, the term “guilty pleasures.”
Also, there is this other element built into the idea of “guilty pleasures.”
The thrill.
Hold back, hold back, hold back….OK, now let go!
The thrill of the taste of dark chocolate in one’s mouth, the thrill of touching the smoothness of skin in a religiously forbidden area of the body, the thrill of Mardi Gras before Lent starts.
We have a fundamental problem as humans. We are generally fairly numb to experience. Our mental, emotional and physical sensory antennas are dull and poorly calibrated — lacking sharpness and alertness. So we need the roller coaster ride. The fireworks. The thrill to “wake us up” out of our slumber. Our dull state of zombie sleepwalking.
But why is this so? What has caused us to be a population of so many sleepwalkers?
A combination.
Partially belief based as we have pointed out. But also partially experienced based. We have so little familiarity with the vastness and creativity, and inner power of our mind — our individual consciousness — that we feel very insecure. And are generally inept at accessing the incredible capabilities of our own minds. But since I’ve written elsewhere extensively about how we can expand our capacity (see my book referenced above), I want to stay focused here on this different “approach” to thinking about pleasure.
Instead…
How about this?
Lean into the pleasure.
Don’t hold back. Instead, move in the direction of the pleasure. That’s what I mean by “lean into it.” Don’t pull away from it — move towards it.
Savor the dark chocolate cake. Let each morsel be caressed by your tongue and appreciated by your taste buds. Don’t eat it looking over your shoulder to see who is watching you. Judging you.
Lean into the pleasure.
OK, sure — teasing a little is fine. Playful. But stay clear of the guilt-ridden act of holding back.
And note: Those of you who have read my essays on “selfishness” know that I am not suggesting a culture of hedonism at any cost. An irresponsible pursuit of all pleasures. No.
But withholding ourselves from enjoying the pleasures of life has created a world 🌎 of suffering.
I have spoken with many people who have felt guilty about taking care of themselves, of enjoying anything for themselves personally in their lives. Some have said all they find pleasure in is “helping others” at the temple, the food bank, etc. But they then feel guilty whenever they take a moment for themselves so they keep busy all the time to distract themselves from thinking about their needs and desires.
What a waste of human lifeforce. How sad.
I think far too many well-meaning people live like that. Essentially unhappy their entire lives. But appearing to the outside world as “a Good Samaritan who sacrificed all for the good of others.” A “Mother Theresa.” How many times have you heard that? How many times have you praised someone for that extreme degree of selflessness?
Are you helping or hurting them?
Let’s think about this further.
Why are people cruel in our world 🌎? As I’ve written about, I think because at their core they’re unhappy, insecure people. And to make themselves happier they then need to make others around them unhappy. So the cruel person then feels better! Happier. Accomplished through their cruel behavior. Sometimes consciously. But usually this is unconscious.
So could we actually be contributing to the cruelty in the world by our not exploring what would give us each personal pleasure? Not that we are acting cruelly towards others intentionally. But are we adding to the unhappiness in the world nevertheless by tacitly demonstrating our belief that “personal pleasure is bad”?
And by this, are we perhaps creating a greater likelihood of falling prey to the occasional outlet of very unhappy people — treating others badly, cruelly? All subconsciously of course.
Food for thought.
Don’t make “guilt” an integral part of your “seeking of pleasure” in life.
Why are we here?
Why did we choose to be here in physical biological bodies on Earth?
To enjoy life. All of it. All the parts of it. That’s my opinion. Hopefully without hurting others in the process.
So let’s live it fully — and that means without guilt. Without holding back from the pleasures of life.
No more “guilty pleasures.”
Lean into the pleasure.
Kelvin H. Chin is a Meditation Teacher, Life After Life Expert, and Author of “Overcoming the Fear of Death,” “Marcus Aurelius Updated: 21st Century Meditations On Living Life” and “After the Afterlife: Memories of My Past Lives.” He learned to meditate at age 19, and has been teaching Turning Within Meditation and coaching others in their self-growth for 40 years. He helps people understand their life challenges through their individual belief systems, and helps them find their own solutions. His past life memories reach back many centuries, and he accesses those memories in his teaching and his coaching in the same way all coaches draw on their own available experiences for perspective and effective analogies. He can be reached at www.TurningWithin.org.